Pre-emptive edit: Don't even read this. I spent 2 hours on it from 3-5 am. It's just depressing crap rants and nostalgia. Go spend your time reading something interesting.

I knew this post was eventually coming, a vent post to let all my boredom and anger of the moment out (hey, a journal, on-line or not, is a type of therapy). Just go ahead and completely skip reading this if you want. Really. It's more for me than anyone else.

Annoyances (in ascending order):

I've got work 3 days this week, then I go straight to Hurricanes Friday, Saturday and Sunday, essentially killing this week's free time.

Can't go to Mark's continuing LAN at his house because 1) I'm working/going to Hurcs all week and 2) my dad won't let me bring my computer over anyway because the router didn't work last time I brought it home (thanks Mark!).

I'm on a really bad sleeping schedule. Posting this at 3 AM because I'm bored, but not tired in the least. I usually have to set my alarm for 3 PM, yes PM, to wake up in time to get ready for work since I'm staying up later and later every night.

Dell is retarded. Yes, they are sending me a great laptop system, but they're going to take forever-and-a-day to build, program, and ship it. Plus, they're sending it in three separate orders so I'll get my printer around the 20th of August (and no computer to use it with), the laptop around early September (when I'll already be at Tufts, probably won't have it for my first classes), and the USB printer cable - the one I need to plug the printer into the laptop - sometime around September 10. It is absolutely BEYOND my comprehension why it's going to take the longest to send me a FREAKING CABLE and why they can't just put it in the same shipment as the printer.

My dad is annoying:

1) My car: I find a plastic grating broken on the hood of my Mustang before I go out one day. it looks like really cheap plastic, so I play around with the part a little to try to get it to fit back in, and decide I'll fix it later with some super glue, no big deal. My dad sees it, and the first words out of his mouth: "When were you at work last?!" implying that someone in the parking lot decided they were jealous of my POS '85 Mustang and broke a 3 inch long piece of plastic that looked like it could have come from a model car building kit, and then just walked away. I DID have my car beat up pretty bad by parking in the CVS lot one time, but now I know not to park by the train tracks where there are nice headlight-sized rocks lying around to tempt people to throw at my car, but it's just RIDICULOUS how paranoid my dad is. This was an obvious stress fracture from hot and cold changes simply because the car is old as hell, and he blows it out of proportion.

Even when I went to Mark's for the LAN, I told him I'd just park out on the curb for a few days, and he immediately says "You're gonna get hit." Now, if you knew Mark's street, you'd know no one goes over 15 mph on it because it's residential, a really crappy road, and people parked on both sides. The odds of someone singling out my car to hit or vandalize are millions to one, but my dad immediately assumes that since the car is SO GOOD that people will want to mess it up (honestly, it's a fuel-economy era car... the speedometer only goes up to 85 mph. My friend paid $800 for a Thunderbird that's twice as fast, much newer, and in better shape. However, my dad has his "friend's" he knows that always have 'great deals' for him, so he sells his Corvette and goes and buys the Mustang without looking around for any better deals- strange that he's so paranoid of people he doesn't know (like the mysterious villain guy he imagines that follows me around looking for ways to ruin my car at every chance) yet trusts people he KNOWS so much when he shouldn't).

2) My computer: First there's the issue with the router. As soon as something goes wrong, my dad thinks it's the end of the world and calls every tech support guy he knows while running anti-virus, scan disk, defragmenting and all the other crap all at once. He immediately bans me from bringing the computer anywhere ever again (whatever, I'll have a laptop that we bought with this idea in mind), and then tells me I have to fix it before I go anywhere. I had planned just to wait for Mark to help (maybe tell me what he changed on my settings to begin with and just reverse them), but now I'm on the phone with tech guys who don't speak English for 4 hours before I can fix the router and give my computer internet access again. Now, with the router not working, my dad could browse his webpages, email, and programs all on my brother's computer and not even worry about mine (since I wasn't worried, I was planning on playing Warcraft 3: the Frozen Throne single-player campaign for a while, and wouldn't need the internet).

Then there's the "virus" scare. My dad, paranoid as he is, reads an article somewhere about a virus (that they don't even name or mention how it works) is out, and you need to go to Microsoft to update your computer. it's the standard scare tactic media article, and my dad completely falls for it and goes and downloads every patch he can find for his work computer. When I get home from a long day at Hurricanes, this printed out article is the first thing I see, and I laugh at it while reading it, but my dad tells me I have to go find the update. So, I log onto Microsoft's page, follow the link, and it's a God damn Window's Update. I do a scan, and I'm up to date, so it's just been a waste of time reading the article and finding the site for the virus info. Additionally, it's so ironic that it's a Window's Update since my dad was such a big fan of it until he did one on my brother's computer (which formerly had Windows ME) and it installed an incompatible Internet Explorer 6.0 patch that completely ruined the computer (well, not the patch itself, but he panicked and reformatted and eventually bought the XP Home Edition Upgrade...since he already deleted all my brother's stuff anyway, it was just a better idea).

And the number one thing bugging me!!!...:
Crystal... no, not Crystal herself, the fact that I'm going to college and won't be able to see Crystal. I saw her a few days ago at Jon's house... she got my number/AIM but left before I got a chance to ask her for hers. I'm REALLY interested in her but she's going to Duquesne University in Pennsylvania... which is about a 8 hour drive from Connecticut, let alone Boston, and I'm not one to go for long-distance relationships (tried once, didn't work). And I haven't even asked her out or anything yet. Graduation is finally catching up with me... I'm starting to look back and I don't see the good times or the memories, I just think of missed opportunities. The closer I get to leaving for college the more things I think about that I could - SHOULD - have done in the last four years. This post itself wasted an hour and a half to write, and tomorrow I'll waste an entire day at work, and the day after that, and then a whole weekend at Hurricanes and the whole time I'll just be thinking about how I can't even contact Crystal and more and more time is slipping away... It's already a lost cause, but you need something to hope for, right? I'm leaving in two weeks. There's nothing left for me here in Milford. My future is unknown. When I leave, I'll have no past to bring with me, and no future secure in front of me. But I need SOMETHING. The something I create: HOPE. Hope that there's something important left for me here other than my final days at my crappy job at CVS, or the time-consuming Hurricanes practices - not that I don't enjoy them, but I honestly don't want to work at anything anymore, I just want my summer back. I want to think that there was someone in Milford who, as Mark often says "isn't required to" or "doesn't have to" love me, since that's the only real thing I can take with me anywhere I go.

I think the only real thing I can take with me is my memories, and right now they're all negative or hopeless. I'm supposed to be excited for the future, not dwelling on the past. I can't believe I wrote a graduation speech telling people not to do what I'm doing. I think I need to know that someone cares that I'm leaving, someone who "doesn't have to love me." I hope I'll find that with the band at least... first practice is August 18... I really miss everyone there. Band always gets put down, but it's a tight-knit group with a lot of great people (and enough madness and drama to keep you laughing besides). It's something I haven't quite found with Hurricanes yet... (the age difference makes it difficult... with people from 14 to 80 years old it's hard to find people you fit in with). I miss Ricky especially from band. Had a lot of great times with him. Couldn't even go to his graduation party since I had a Hurricanes competition the same day. It was supposed to be a party for both of us, but I'm a scheduling nightmare and we eventually gave up. I wrote an email to Karl too (best freshman this year... cool kid from Sweden - he had to go back there though, only spent a year here) still hasn't responded though. I miss the band so much I wish I could just spend a year here and be an instructor or equipment guy. It's been done by lots of graduates... but only those that stay in Milford.

Tomorrow is a new day ... (to waste - doomed before it even happens because of work)...
I'll have to get Crystal's number. Anyone lend a hand?... Still wasting time unable to talk to her.

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